Until You're Over Me

This relationship is over

though my stomach still hurts.

And now I'm grown a little older

Why is the pain much worse?

You look so much better without makeup,

Why would you hide your face?

Don't want to spend the night and wake up,

Realize you've made a big mistake.

I cannot refuse your eyes,

Please don't look at me tonight.

My heart beats fast I know you're there.

I pretend like I don't care

It hurts so bad to know the truth,

But I am still in love with you.

I never meant to keep you waiting,

and now your food is getting cold,

I keep denying I'm in love with you,

My routine is getting old.

And now you stand in front of the table,

And say you never look back.

Do something stupid when you're angry

You only wake up sad.

No more kisses on your lips, tender touch or speech

I'd rather die on my two feet than live down on my knees.

And all because you get me opened up and start to believe

And I just can't get over you, until you're over me.

It hurts too much to know the truth,

But girl I'm still in love with you.

Maroon 5

12.25.2011

To be honest, I don't quite feel the Christmas spirit this year; maybe because it is my first time celebrating Christmas without my family but my brother; it is my first time spending it with my friends; it is my first time spending it thousand miles away from my family; definitely not my first time having Christmas celebration without the iconic decorated Christmas tree nor mistletoe. Pretty sad, huh? Not really. I really do thank God for friends I have down here. We did celebrate Thanksgiving and Christmas eve by having nice dinner out. (:

I went to church today to celebrate Christmas and to thank God. The last time I went to church and really feel like I am in one was back in Indo, which is about 12 weeks ago. I kinda was being naughty by not going to church on Sundays like I am supposed and always do. And that makes me sad. I tried to ignore the feeling but somehow today everything just hit me. I felt like I have been avoiding this religious ceremony and God himself because I feel like I've done too much sins. It upsets me quite bad. ): I'm not that surprised that I don't feel the Christmas spirit, simply because I do know how bad I have been, thus the joy and the excitement was washed away all along. Even when I stroll around downtown with those huge Christmas tree decorated fancily, I merely just glance at them and forget about them the next second.

The preacher today was praying for those who feels empty or hurt or whatever negative feelings inside while celebrating Christmas. Somehow I found myself trying to push away the feeling of me being shaken a little bit. Interpret it yourself, s'il vous plait ?

The point is, I realize that Christmas really is a part of me, part of my traditional belief and religion that I can never escape from, and I don't want to. It sucks to feel this way when I bbm everyone "Merry Christmas" when I feel somewhat empty and guilty inside. I'm looking at this year's Christmas at a whole different point of view and I should and I know that I learnt something out of it. Christmas is not just a holiday, it is a celebration of our Savior. It's not just a red-date that everyone gets to let go of their own stuffs for a day and chill, it is a gathering of God's people within families. It's not another day where we get to decorate our home with Christmas tree or even a day that feels like another weekend..

Even worse that it's damn windy out there today instead of snowing like it's supposed to be a white Christmas. But really, I don't think it would make any difference if it is a white Christmas today here in Seattle to me. I hope I can prove me wrong tho.. ~ :x

It's the most beautiful time of the year

Merry Christmas!

Wishing you all a happy, jolly, blessed, merry Christmas!

Have a wonderful (another) beginning;

and

be nice to others as if you are treating yourself! :D

don't forget to count your blessing!

God bless y'all abundantly <3

xo

petrichor

petrichor (PET-ri-kuhr) noun

The pleasant scent of the rain on earth.

http://www.rainymood.com/

because rain just make everything better

Last Kiss

I just can't stop listening to this song.

cus I'm young, reckless and don't give a f.

My birthday is coming up in a few days! (:

my 19th year of life has been the most fucked up age so far. I know all the bad things that I thought would never happened in my life. I had a lot of fun, but it resulted in such exhausting hangovers over and over again. Problems came after problems, and madness came after madness. I'm freaking tired;; it's been such a freaking tiresome life-phase I had and I really would like to start over.

But everytime I want to start over, there will always be a certain point that brings me down and boohoo, there I go; I fell and I need tons of energy to get me back up again. It goes on like that in an endless circle. ):

So I decided, let 19 be my most fun, fucked up post-teen life. Let the drama starts and end there. I know I learnt a lot from here and I shall begin to rearrange my life and get everything straight.

cus I'm young, reckless and don't really give a fuck. (:

strangely

I love myself THAT much I'm afraid to get hurt by anyone. Therefore, I built this wall around my heart and never let it fall apart.

But then again, do I really love myself I can't forgive me that easy?

the RULE

dear Pa,

I was browsing through my iPhoto; photos from years ago up until a few days ago. Last Summer's photos and last year's Summer. I can't help but notice how different my dad looks a year ago than today.

One time he told me how his stamina had not been that strong, compared to the old days. I know it wasn't the age factor, nor the overwhelming works he had to do. He's a strong man, and he has always been. I know exactly what burdens him, but he always choose to never complain, even once, about them.

Last summer, we spent two hours talking in the living room, just the two of us, and that hardly happened. In fact, I believe that's the first time ever I spent a quality time with him, after I moved to Singapore. And I come to realize how ungrateful I am as a daughter. I may always take him for granted, never really say nor do what he wants me to say. He's a man that never once complain, and he's a lot like me in many ways; he's stubborn, he's strong, he's wise (unlike me, obviously), a hardworker and a great father.

He never really say anything unless I crossed the line; go into the wrong direction or if I'm against his will. He's a man who doesn't need words said but actions done. He knows actions speak so much louder and that words could only get your hopes up high, but if there's no action taken to proof them, they are merely just another ink on the paper. My mother would always be the one who acts like the mediator between his way of thinking to me. and I get it. I learnt my lesson as I go, cus I realized I am a lot like daddy without me realizing it.

When I decided I should change my major to business, there was some struggling and a little bit of blaming happening but today, I know I wanted to do it for him, not because of I was forced to. I wanted him to know how much I love him (even when I rarely say it out), and that my dream to be a fashion designer doesn't really matter anymore because I wanna make him happy. I wanna make him to be proud of me, and for him to know how much I adore him as a person; as a father.

One day I found out how he felt so guilty about me studying business and never enjoy it. He somewhat blamed himself for that but he never say it out to me. He wanted me to try cus he believes in me. It hurts me so bad to know that he does put so much faith in me, when I don't even believe in myself.

;

I may not be able to express my feelings and everything to you, Pa. But really, I just want you to know that I love you so much and I will never disappoint you anymore. I'm so sorry for my mistakes and stupidness but really, I'm willing to sacrifice everything for you just to make you happy. I don't care if my dream turns into dust, as long as I can make you happy and proud of me. You have done so much for our family and that's priceless. I love you, Pa. (:


N

Let All Go, Dear, So Comes Love

“let it go-the
smashed word broken
open vow or
the oath cracked length
wise-let it go it
was sworn to
go
let them go-the
truthful liars and
the false fair friends
and the boths and
neithers-you must let them go they
were born
to go
let all go-the
big small middling
tall bigger really
the biggest and all
things-let all go
dear
so comes love.”

-e.e. cummings

Stuck in Reverse

Sometimes you just need to get a great downfall in order to be able to get back up, to know your limitation and capability.

Sometimes life plays you like it's gonna be another game over, another happy or sad endings, or even it beat the shit out of you.

Or even sometimes, your will to fight is under-pressured by the gravity, even for your dreams, you're just letting it fly away like helium balloon set free.

I don't know where my life leads me to. Or even how and when to grab and hang on tight to what I have right now. Some feels right and some doesn't.

One thing that I am sure of, is that, I live today, without knowing where my steps are heading to which pathway. Afterall, karma is a bitch if you're being one, right?

A Woman Can Never Get Enough Shoes.

I have always been a sucker for studs, leather and buckles. They're like, the coolest thing ever and it always pops in a little statement when I underdress. While I was back in Indo for summer, I didn't update myself with the upcoming collection from any online shops I subscribed myself to. Since I wake up early every morning since I got back here, I've got nothing to do but to browse and browse and browse. Here is what I found: overgrown wishlist. I don't have an extra thousand $$$ to purchase all of these no matter how bad I wanted them!

Jeffrey Campbell never fails to amaze me!








My birthday is coming soon, FYI. (;


image courtesy to solestruck.com

Have you heard

LoveQuotesRus

now I see it.

"....Nggak ada lagi yang namanya perbedaan waktu, tempat, gue lost di pembicaraan dia, i know everything that she's going through. at least i want to be there, in the same place, as a real person. Bukan orang yang dia tau dari conversation BBM or Skype." tambah Petra kemudian menghela napas, mengambil jeda.
"Kalau pas lo balik, she's not there anymore? Apa rencana lo?"
Pertanyaan Ethan sukses membuat Petra makin hilang arah.
"Simple answer, i don't know."
"Okay, then?"
"We're not going anywhere. Kayanya sih..." Petra ragu sendiri.
"Its not gonna be that easy, man. No no..."
"I know. But i completely know, kalau sekarang bukan waktunya. Gue balik Indo masih lama, dan akan lebih baik jadinya kalau... everything starts there,at home

."

#nowplaying - Joyce

201.

image courtesy to tumblr.com

Another Hello

Hello!

A brand new blog it is! I have not been blogging for so long since I haven't got any urge to do so anymore. But recently, I figured I wanna write things down and just go back to it in future. :D

Fall quarter just started and I can't wait for it to end already. The weather had been really inconsistant lately. Last weekend was so warm and by Sunday it was freaking chilly and windy! I don't miss indo's weather but I miss the summer weather here. Too bad I missed it D:

Have a great start of Autumn, you!