"&& I'll make sure to keep my distance"

"You were crying over problems you faced last couple months. I just don't want you to go back to those for any reason. 

.. 

People keep on cheating your kindness and you keep giving them a chance and still coming back for them" 

that's exactly why I built my wall up so high.

The Hardest Thing

"Hey, I miss your smile..
I don't see it so often anymore nowadays, Natalie.
I know you are going through so many things lately
and those things have taken too much of the person I used to know.
I know it is not easy,
but I've been trying to help you, even when you don't notice it, but I'm here..
I know you feel as if you are lost, N;
you withdraw yourself from your friends, cus you feel like you don't belong
you isolate yourself from those circle, your insecurity just eat you up;
you lock yourself in your room everyday,
cus that's where you feel safe and sound..

But that doesn't mean that you should erase your smile, N
cus that is one beautiful smile you have
and I don't want to see you not wearing it anymore.
It is too precious to be vanished over a small matter like this,
crying over it won't solve anything..
I hate seeing those tears streaming down your face, I really do.
I wish I you really see, that I am here for you.
I know you always feel like you're alone, but I'm here.
You don't see it but I am here.

So please,
don't erase that smile from your face..
wear it and just forget the world for once, and for all.
you mean a lot to many, don't let some bring you down;
and remember - to pray, to love and to be happy.
because you mean a lot to many."

someone said this and I just can't help it..

Until You're Over Me

This relationship is over

though my stomach still hurts.

And now I'm grown a little older

Why is the pain much worse?

You look so much better without makeup,

Why would you hide your face?

Don't want to spend the night and wake up,

Realize you've made a big mistake.

I cannot refuse your eyes,

Please don't look at me tonight.

My heart beats fast I know you're there.

I pretend like I don't care

It hurts so bad to know the truth,

But I am still in love with you.

I never meant to keep you waiting,

and now your food is getting cold,

I keep denying I'm in love with you,

My routine is getting old.

And now you stand in front of the table,

And say you never look back.

Do something stupid when you're angry

You only wake up sad.

No more kisses on your lips, tender touch or speech

I'd rather die on my two feet than live down on my knees.

And all because you get me opened up and start to believe

And I just can't get over you, until you're over me.

It hurts too much to know the truth,

But girl I'm still in love with you.

Maroon 5

cus I'm young, reckless and don't give a f.

My birthday is coming up in a few days! (:

my 19th year of life has been the most fucked up age so far. I know all the bad things that I thought would never happened in my life. I had a lot of fun, but it resulted in such exhausting hangovers over and over again. Problems came after problems, and madness came after madness. I'm freaking tired;; it's been such a freaking tiresome life-phase I had and I really would like to start over.

But everytime I want to start over, there will always be a certain point that brings me down and boohoo, there I go; I fell and I need tons of energy to get me back up again. It goes on like that in an endless circle. ):

So I decided, let 19 be my most fun, fucked up post-teen life. Let the drama starts and end there. I know I learnt a lot from here and I shall begin to rearrange my life and get everything straight.

cus I'm young, reckless and don't really give a fuck. (:

the RULE

Stuck in Reverse

Sometimes you just need to get a great downfall in order to be able to get back up, to know your limitation and capability.

Sometimes life plays you like it's gonna be another game over, another happy or sad endings, or even it beat the shit out of you.

Or even sometimes, your will to fight is under-pressured by the gravity, even for your dreams, you're just letting it fly away like helium balloon set free.

I don't know where my life leads me to. Or even how and when to grab and hang on tight to what I have right now. Some feels right and some doesn't.

One thing that I am sure of, is that, I live today, without knowing where my steps are heading to which pathway. Afterall, karma is a bitch if you're being one, right?

now I see it.

"....Nggak ada lagi yang namanya perbedaan waktu, tempat, gue lost di pembicaraan dia, i know everything that she's going through. at least i want to be there, in the same place, as a real person. Bukan orang yang dia tau dari conversation BBM or Skype." tambah Petra kemudian menghela napas, mengambil jeda.
"Kalau pas lo balik, she's not there anymore? Apa rencana lo?"
Pertanyaan Ethan sukses membuat Petra makin hilang arah.
"Simple answer, i don't know."
"Okay, then?"
"We're not going anywhere. Kayanya sih..." Petra ragu sendiri.
"Its not gonna be that easy, man. No no..."
"I know. But i completely know, kalau sekarang bukan waktunya. Gue balik Indo masih lama, dan akan lebih baik jadinya kalau... everything starts there,at home

."

#nowplaying - Joyce